Dearest Lily and Jack,
You guys are both still too young to understand the things I want to say to you, so I figured I’d write them down so you can read them when you are old enough.
I want you both to know how loved you are. This isn’t some hallmark card version of love or a word that gets thrown around to describe how we feel about pizza or puppies or opera. I really, truly, love you. It’s the kind of love that accepts all your faults and truly sees who you are. It is all-encompassing, blinding, never-ending, and unconditional. Whatever you do, whoever you become, never EVER forget that your mommy loves you. Because I will. No matter what.
I also want you both to know how beautiful you are. Lily, your big, blue eyes and bouncing curls are just the most charming combo I’ve ever seen. Jack, your sweet smile, strong cleft chin, and adorable little ears that stick out just a little bit make you the cutest, and eventually the handsomest guy I’ve ever seen (next to your daddy.) J
These things are important because they are part of WHO you are, not just WHAT you are. The greatest beauty you possess lies in your incandescent souls. Jack, you are only three months old as I write this, but you are already an absolute joy. Your smile and your laugh absolutely melt my heart. You’re also a bit of a mommy’s boy, always wanting snuggles and to take your naps on my tummy. Your sweetness and easy-going nature are already evident. I am absolute putty in your tiny little hands. Lily, my gosh! My stunning little girl! You are SO brave and your spirit has such fire in it. You are constantly on the go, always curious, always investigating things. You’re one busy little bee. You’re also so funny! You know just how to make Daddy and me laugh until our sides hurt! You do this squinty-eyed stare sometimes- it looks so serious – but you’re joking around starting staring contests. J Actually, just yesterday, you and your daddy were tackling me in the play yard and giving me simultaneous belly bloopers. My stomach muscles are still sore from laughing.
The most important thing I want to tell you is that I am here for you. You can say anything to me. I can’t promise I won’t be a little taken aback by what you say, but I can promise that I will respond thoughtfully and with love. No matter what you’re thinking, what kind of trouble you’re in, what kind of issue you’re having, I want to be your FIRST line of defense. I want to be the first person you think of approaching. I want to know EVERYTHING about you, the good, the bad, the confusing. I want to know. I want to be there. I want to help you. NOTHING YOU CAN DO OR SAY TO ME WILL EVER MAKE ME STOP LOVING YOU. Let me repeat that. NOTHING YOU CAN EVER DO OR SAY TO ME WILL MAKE ME STOP LOVING YOU. I want, more than anything, for you to feel free to be who you are, exactly who you are, with me. I want my presence to be your safe place, where you can truly be honest and relax in your own skin. I promise, even if I’m not always great at communicating it, that is my ultimate goal. I am always on your team. I will always put you first.
These things said, I have to admit that I’m not perfect. I never will be. Just because I’m your mom doesn’t mean I know everything or that I’m always right. I’m going to make mistakes, but I’ll try to be strong enough to realize them, apologize, and make them right. Please know that the sentiments I’ve expressed in this letter are the TRUTH. THIS is the truth. Not my stressed snippiness, not my momentary disappointment, not my busy oversight… this. The truth is I love you, you are beautiful, and I am here for you.
I’ll do my best to make sure you never forget these things.
All the love in the world,